It is not always easy for sexual violence survivors to tell another person about what happened to them. Most survivors will approach someone they trust, such as friends and family, before seeking support from professionals or the authorities.
Yet responding to a survivor’s disclosure can be tricky if you are not trained or familiar with sexual assault—what if you say the wrong thing, and cause further distress to your loved one? There is the chance that the interaction will trigger another wave of trauma for the survivor, especially if the listener reacts in a way that comes off as insensitive or judgmental, despite their best intentions.
Four Ground Rules of First Response
To help sexual assault first responders, SACC has compiled four essential statements—or “ground rules”—that you can say to a survivor:
- “It’s not your fault.”
- “It’s your choice how you want to move forward.”
- “It’s your experience, not anybody else’s.”
- “I’m here to support you.”
In general, try to be patient, listen carefully and communicate without judgement.
Frequently Asked Questions
What can I do to support my friend/loved one after an assault?
In addition to the four ground rules we shared above, it is important to understand what the survivor wants. Are they looking to you to listen and validate their experiences? Are they considering seeking help from a professional? Are they thinking about filing a police report?
Every survivor has different needs and wants, and it’s crucial that we listen and respect the choices they are making*. An experience of sexual violence involves someone taking away a survivor’s choice. We should not be putting them into another situation where others make decisions on their behalf.
*In cases where someone’s life might be in danger, please ensure that they are safe. Where necessary, contact the police at 999 or emergency medical services at 995.
How can SACC support my friend/loved one?
SACC provides a safe space and trauma-informed services for sexual assault survivors, including case management, legal consultation, befriending, counselling and support groups. Refer to this page for more information about services and what the survivor can expect when they reach out to our centre.
Can I make an appointment for my friend/loved one at SACC?
You may accompany a survivor to SACC to make an appointment, but you cannot make an appointment on a survivor’s behalf. It is our policy to obtain the consent of a survivor directly before proceeding with services. Therefore, survivors should reach out to us when they are ready, or they can obtain a referral from a professional.
What should I not say to a survivor?
Here are some examples of statements you should avoid making to a sexual assault survivor, with alternatives.
Read more examples here.
How do I convince my friend to file a police report about their assault?
Whether or not to report an assault is a very personal decision, dependent on each survivor’s situation. There is no one right answer. A survivor may be worried about not being believed—an experience that may cause additional trauma. She may be reluctant to get drawn into a legal process that seems long and arduous. There can also be practical risks that might follow the police report, such as retaliation from the perpetrator.
You may feel that a survivor bears a responsibility to tell the world about the assault, or to prevent the perpetrator from acting again. However, understand that a survivor’s main responsibility is to themselves. They should prioritise their physical and emotional well-being. If that does not involve filing an official report, please respect that decision.
Sexual Assault First Responder Training
“You changed my life, and changed how I’ll be thinking about spreading awareness about supporting sexual assault survivors, self-care and consent.”
– Sexual Assault First Responder Training participant
SACC’s Sexual Assault First Responder Training is held monthly throughout the year, and is open to members of the public. SAFRT will familiarise participants with trauma reactions and symptoms, and impart the skills and techniques to better contribute to a survivor’s well-being. The training covers:
- Understanding sexual assault, sexual harassment and consent
- Understanding the impact of sexual assault and trauma on survivors
- Role of a first responder
- Providing support to survivors of sexual assault
- Resources available for help
- Key skills such as ensuring safety, active listening and empathy
As part of our Aim for Zero campaign, SACC has made SAFRT “pay what you can”, so it is as accessible as possible to the wider community. See upcoming dates on our Eventbrite page.
