Written by Ericia Yeo, AWARE intern
It is one thing to endure the trauma of sexual assault. It is another to disclose one’s assault to a trusted individual, and then be blamed or chided for what happened.
Lack of support and unempathetic responses don’t just hinder a survivor’s healing process, they can also intensify the impact of trauma. This is what’s known as the second wave of trauma.
On Saturday, 2 February 2019, AWARE’s Sexual Assault Care Centre (SACC) organised the first public run of its Sexual Assault First Responder Training, as part of AWARE’s Aim for Zero campaign. The response was overwhelming, with more than 60 working professionals and students from the social sector attending the workshop. Led by trainers Anisha Joseph and Lim Xiu Xuan from SACC, participants familiarised themselves with Singapore’s legal framework around sexual assault, trauma reactions and symptoms, and practical skills of first response to better support survivors.
Consent and communication—the bedrock of healthy and mutually respectful sexual interactions—were discussed at the beginning of the workshop. Trainers shared a video about workplace sexual harassment, and participants engaged in a robust conversation about the seemingly ambiguous nature of consent.
Participants were split into two different camps and were asked to share their reasons why a particular act in the video constituted sexual harassment, or why it didn’t. It was clear that there were numerous social ideologies that influenced the way everyone in the room thought about the markers of consent.
For example, sharing a taxi with someone and letting them know your address—as a character does in the video—isn’t an invitation for sex. Not resisting someone’s advances is not an invitation for sex, either. Perhaps obtaining explicit consent from someone seems “troublesome”, but it really can be simple—and verbal consent protects both parties. As trainer Anisha, AWARE’s Head of CARE Services, pointed out, “Isn’t it easier to just ask for verbal consent, instead of hurting someone or risking legal consequences?”
One participant brought up the idea that negotiating consent takes the romance out of dating: “Isn’t it awkward to ask for consent at every step of the way?”
Another participant countered that consent doesn’t always have to be sought in a single, boring manner. Questions like “Is this OK?” and “Does this feel good?” are also effective ways to check in on a partner at any point during sex.
When discussing the self-blame and shame that survivors feel after being assaulted, one of the trainers recalled a particularly powerful incident with a former SACC client. This client kept guilt-tripping herself for having drinks at a club and therefore being “responsible” for her own subsequent assault.
“I told her this: You were out, and yes, you had quite a bit to drink. But of all the hundreds of people in the club, only one person chose to take advantage of you.”
Self-blame can be an instinctive a way for a victim to “reclaim control”, psychologically speaking, over a situation after having her autonomy robbed from her. But that kind of thinking is a fallacy. Nobody should be blamed for their own assault.
So how does one become a better first responder to sexual assault? Responding to a survivor’s disclosure can be tough—what if we say the wrong things? To help first responders, SACC conceived of four essential and intuitive statements to say to a survivor:
It’s not your fault.
It’s your choice how you want to move forward.
It’s your experience, not anybody else’s.
I’m here to support you.
These ground rules are extremely relevant and critical, considering the lasting and pervasive impact of sexual assault.
The workshop concluded with the launch of the Sexual Assault First Responder (SAFER) Network, which aims to build collective support from a base of trained sexual assault first responders. The SAFER Network would allow SACC to engage community partners and allies who want to raise public awareness about sexual violence and create a supportive environment for survivors.
By the end of the workshop, over lunch, the buzz of ideas and questions made clear that participants had a lot to take in, process and give voice to. If you or someone you know has experienced any form of sexual assault or harassment, you can reach out to SACC through the helpline (6779 0282), or email sacc@aware.org.sg.
SACC is co-organising a Sexual Assault Awareness Training on Saturday, 23 February 2019, alongside Derring-Do Dance. Sign up to attend here.
